Updated: Nov 23, 2019
I have been plagued by feelings of intense sadness since I was a child. when I experience something "good" or "fun" or "worthwhile" I am even more disappointed because I was hoping that the good/worthwhile/amazing thing would take the inner hell away, and it never does. i always feel the same.
I rarely leave my house for social functions, yet i desperately want to do so. over the past few years, the brain fog (confusion, inattention, processing issues) have gotten worse which then just make the sadness worse. i pretend to be a loudmouth, boisterous figure online and (occasionally) in-person to make up for the fact that on a near constant basis I feel completely inept and useless. I am quick to criticize things, yet rarely ever show any appreciation. I am beyond lonely, even when I know my family is there for me, yet feel unable to do anything to change how i interact with other people. thank you for the pizzas.