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  • taylor

FUNNY AS HELL, NICE AS HELL


Everywhere I go I make jokes about everything and people laugh. I'm at an ATM and it says "Enter pin" and I say, "What is this, acupuncture?". I see 2 guys talking at a party, one bald and the other has long hair. I say, "You know, on the average you have just the right amount of hair." He laughs and says, "Hey, you're funny. Come over to my house, will you?" and for 15 minutes I'm making jokes and he's telling people how funny I am and how can he get me to come over. I'm in the subway and the sign says "Do Not Lean Against Doors" I say, "It doesn't say you can't lean against people. Do not lean against the doors - how can you do that - aren't they all dead? Jim Morrison. What a guy. Did you know, when he a kid he told everybody, someday I'll be famous. I'll become a household word. So he named himself the Doors." I call a number and it says "Dial 1 for English." I say, "Dial 1 for English? It's already in English. It has to be in English, otherwise we wouldn't know what the hell he was saying." Sports store: M: My shoelaces keep coming undone. S: Quick-lace (points to shoes) M: Do you sell it by itself? S: No. M: Do you take trade-ins of shoes without shoelaces? S: No. M: Do shoelaces often disappear from your shoes? S: No. M: Is the security camera running? S: Yes M: Will my pictures be ready by Wednesday? I saw George Carlin in Harvard square signing his book. He asks each person his name. The first guy's Nick. The second guy's Dick. GC says "I gotta Nick. I gotta Dick. If the next guy's Rick I don't know what I'll do!" I say, "I only have a Nick." and everybody laughs. GC says something and I make another joke. He pauses for a second, then says, "We'll just have to leave it at that." I had a comedy shoot-out with George Carlin and won! The reason I can do it is I'm a mathematical genius (IQ 155) and it's all logic. How 'zat? Charlie

#men

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