wouldnt mind scrubbing away

some of my 65 year old wifes 

BULLSHIT


scrubbing bubbles

various posts on businesses' social media pages, asking for help, begging to be relieved from the torment inflicted upon me by my two 6 foot 1 inch and 6 foot no inch sons and my mean 65 year old wife

bonefish grill
 

i was accosted outside the establishment by an angry man, he threatened to slap my"balls" until they were black and blue. my two huge sons, who did NOT come to my defense even though they are 6 foot no inches and 6 foot 2 inches, egged him on as he threatened to do harm to my "Balls." I paid for their meals too, they ordered the bone fish and it was good. i ordered the bone fish as well and it was bad.

speedway

hi I was at your Milwaukee branch filling up my two weird sons' travel cups with Sprite Zero and they said it tasted so bad. I tried the drink and it did not taste bad. Do not listen to my sons , they have no idea what they're talking about ever. The drink tasted fine, however instead of the normal "spray" sound the drink fountain makes, it seems the sound was replaced by a man screaming in pain. Everytime I pressed the pour button on the Sprite Zero fountain the man screamed. Good prank but kind of scary to my sons

playstation

It seems my account has been hacked , all of my created NBA 2k17 players have all been replaced by look alike avatars of myself and they are all jerking off weirdly. I want this erased from my account and my superstars given back to me. My superstars are power forwards, shooting guards NOT virtual look alikes touching their penis. Unacceptable. I will not tolerate this blatant attack on my character by the hackers. I have never jerked off weirdly. I am a normal man

amc theaters

politely asked a man to turn off his cellphone during the screen ing of Snatched (Starring Amy Schumer) and this man was rude- he did not turn off his cellphone. In fact, he has been calling me ever since the movie ended. I've received over 200 calls from him. I am unsure of how he got my phone number, how he knows my name, or how he knows my address. He has left dozens of voicemails on my cellphone, some are profane and cannot be shared on a public page. Others are horribly loud piercing sounds, like a squeaking balloon. he calls me all day and night, over 200 times since Snatched starring Amy Schumer. He will cuss at me on the phone, and then start squeaking inexplicably. the squeaks hurt my ears and my sons can hear the sound even when not on speakerphone. My sons are terrified to use the phone as they believe the man is calling them. he will call them, but i tell them he won't.

target

took my two big and strong sons to your store to shop for odds and ends and it did not go well. my 6 foot 1 inch and 6 foot no inch sons made ME ride in the cart like a small baby would, they screm at me if i try to leave the red cart, smack my head and ass with a newspaper. they rolled me to the hal-o-ween aisle and there is a giant 8 foot tall inflatable ghoul next to the pumpkings. my sons lifted my frail body out of the cart and stuffed me into the inflatable ghoul and sealed it shut. i have been stuck in here for nearly 20 hours, i'm writing this from inside the ghoul, it is hot and smells bad. i have tried calling for help but everyone believes it is just part of the gag, that the big ghoul can talk and scream and wiggle around. but it is not part of the gag, it is me. i am begging your workers for help, begging my sons to come back and let me go. i have tried calling my wife but she is mean and 65 years old and doesn't know how to answer phone. please, please tell your workers that the ghoul in the pumpking aisle does not scream on its own, it is a man trapped inside, who cannot get freed from this ghost prison. hal-o-ween is always bad for me!

mobil

stopped at one of your stations to fill up my tank with gas, driving my 2 6 foot 1 inch and 6 foot no inch sons around the county because they yell at me if i dont do what they say. well o stopped to top off the tank and was attacked by moths. there was thousands tens thousands of moths flying about, running into the light and running into my eyes. they swarmed me and attached to my body. bit my ass and my arms. my sons locked the doors and laughed at me, i was covered in moths head toe toe, like a hazmat suit but the suit is made of MOTH not plastic. could barely move my body, the weight of moth was too great. my powerful sons yelled at me that they could move if it was them since they are strong and i am weak, but they would not open the car door to let me in away from the swarm of moths. i have rashes now on my ass and body, from where they bit me. my 65 year old wife won't go near me since i smell like her old closet. it's awful.

dr. scholl's

is there some sort of permanent adhesive to put on the Gel Schole i place into my little shoes to prevent my troublesome 6 foot 1 inch and 6 foot no inch sons from ripping it out of my little shoe and using the Gel as a paddle to punish me. i spent hundreds of dollars a year on the Gel Scholl Pads for my little shoes and my awful sons continue to pull them out, whip my ass and head with it and then put the Gel in my mouth and they taunt me saying "you really put your foot in your mouth this time!" except THEY put MY foot in MY mouth, they leave welts on my ass with the spankings, i'm powerless to stop them. i want a permanent Gel Skol to put in my little size 7 shoes. thanks

halloween express

it's not even june yet and i have already got my DICK stuck in one of your products. It is the candy bowl that is scary (when you reach to take a reeses or hersheys or gum, a bloody hand reaches up from the bowl to scare you). i bought the bowl to scare my huge 6 foot tall sons come hallow's ween (they scare me everyday by threatening to kick my ass because i don't buy the right food for them growing boys) and well, to have a laugh i put my dick near the bowl and the bloody hand reached up and squeezed it so hard and has not let go. i've been holding a big cardboard box in front of me for 3 HOURS to hide the shame of the bloody hand squeezing my dick and balls. it's pain full and i cannot get this damn thing off me. maybe a warning or discalimer on the product????

mrs. dash

put some of this shit on my mean 65 year old wifes face so it's less bad to kiss her

gold's gym

i was slapped around outside the Big Dog Big Dad Big Barbecue Joint when I was getting barbecue with my huge 6 feet tall sons and my mean wife. i was slapped around by my family because the barbecure was unfortunately bad today. i am looking fo rhelp to get stronger than my sons and meaner than my wife. i wanto have huge muscles so i can fight back when the barbecure is bad. even if the barbecue was bad i dont belive i should be reprimanded?? My sons are 15 and should not be fighting me. my wife is 68 and is too old to fight me. i am weak and need to be better, stronger, fuller. my pants should RIP when i bend because i am so strong and thick. my shirt should RIP when i flex because i am so mighty. i WILL never be beaten again by them, even when the barbecue is BAD. i want to suck the ribs the CLEAN without the threat of BEATINGS. I want to lift more weights and then fight my family.

wendy's

i spilled some horse sauce from arby on my asshole and decided to come to wendy instead.

lysol

my two huge and weird sons held me down and sprayed this shit in my nose, im at my wits end with them. they are 6 feet no incches and 6 feet two inches tall. easily 250 pounds apeice, they spray shit at me when i take their sprite zero away. spray chemicals into my body, threaten my dates when i bring them home. i dont get to go on many dates- women do not like me, so when i do bring one home it is scary to have my oversized boys scream profranities at the beautiful woman. the lysol did not do much damage to my nose thank god

secret

my 65 year old wife smells like shit even when i rub the white stick over her body head toe toe.

zumiez

am i allowed to return? i was banned from the store in 2011 for smelling like complete shit, stinking up the fucking store, traipsing through covered in mud and farting on the merchandise. i was banned by the attractive manager, i am clean now and would like to shop.

home depot

there is a rotten man-sized hole in the aisle by the buzzaws and tools in your milwuakee store that a scary but nice sound is emanating from, the walls of the store are also vibrating. i was told by the boss of the store to not investigate but i did anyways to figure out waht the sound was. one of those motor ladders that carry the employees around the store was sucked inside the hole and a man screamed. my weird sons did not like this and begged me to not look further into the nasty hole but i did anyways and you guessed it the man died. that is my spooky story of the day have a good day today

papa john's pizza

ordered a big pizza and there was a goddamn diaper in the pie. the diaper was clean as a whistle, which is weird since it was slathered in sauce and chease and pepperonly and olive and sausasges, as well as with green onion green pepper green topping. how was a clean diaper inside my pizza?????? it should be stained, but it is brand-new looking?? it was inside the pie, underneath the cheeses and top. thank tyou john for the pizza

woodman's

Hi wood man,

I recently entered You're branch to purchase food for my and my two weird sons who seem to have an unnatural craving for sprite zero soft drink. Luckily for me you have mountains of the stuff there. It is lucky for me to be able to buy the sport zero o easily as my son's become unruly when they don't have it. However this time when I brought home the spot zero case to my menacing sons they refused to drink it because they believe it to be rotten. I tasted the F Zero and it did appear to be flat and nasty. The extradition date on the can was from 2014. I will now be going way out of my way to purchase F Zero X at festival foods. You have lost me!

jergens

what product shoudl i use to buff out some of the marks my mean 65 year old wife has all over her old body. she looks like a bruised banana. waht product is okay to eat, because my two sons who are much bigger than i am - they are 6 foot 1 inch and 6 foot no inch,, make me eat things i don't want to eat. it's a game to them and i do not like this , idont like vomiting up old spice sticks and elmer glue. they pin me down and my old wife egg them on, force me to eat nasty. i assume shea butter is okay to eat as it has butter in the name. will this buff out my old wife too

miller lite

my mean 65 year old wife can put back about 10 of these things in one sitting. she sits for a long time so it's not impressive. she;s too old to move

cadbury creme egg

Next Easter I'll hide these egs so damn well that my 2 powerful 6 foot 1 inch and 6 foot no inch sons get lost trying to find them!!! Next easier, I won't even look for them when they are lost, I'll make my 65 year old wife look for them. I hope they're never found. I hope they die under a bush I am tired of their torments, last Easer they dressed me up like a damn rabbit and made me eat Wood chips and threw egs at me

sprint

There was a huge piece of shit outside one of your stores today, my 2 6 foot tall sons pushed me into it and I fell right on my BUTT Onto the shit and it is icy and I slid down the parking lot at an incredible speed and crashed into a 2008 Hyundai Sonata. The man and my two powerful sons laughed at me and called me a name I cannot repeat. I was screaming for help, yet nobody did a THING. The shit was GROSS and now I am covered in it and ice and gravel. I hate today but my 6 foot sons love your damn 4g

the dollar tree

I can buy soap and soap bottle, sop bars and different kind of soap for 1 of dollars but I cannot buy a better wife for 1, dollar. My mean 65 year old wife makes me take bites of so bars if I speak too loudly, cleans my mouth like the nasty hole it is. I spend exactly 1 of dollar on the wash and all I get is a washed mouth. Stock a NICE wife on those aisles for me, I'll be back soon

dasani

I DRINK SO MUCH OF THIS SHIT MY 65 YEAR OLD WIFE AND HUGE SONS CALL ME A WATERBED, POKE ME WITH NEEDLES TRYING TO GET ME TO POP

carraba's italian grill

what's the big idea with the man who flicks my titties when i come into eat the bread, pasta, sauce, with my boys? he jostles them around like there funny theyre NOT funny though my mean boys who are big (about 6 foot 1 inch and 6 foot no inch) think it's funny they scream at me to make him stop but egg the man on. is this a staff who does it? when in rome they say, so i will do nothing but accept it. i went to bonefish grill and ordered the bonefish. it was bad. now i come here with my family to eat the bread, pasta, sauce.

the yellow pages

how do i do the thing like cops do it where they use phone book to hurt a man? why must i do this? i dont know why but my 2 powerful sons woh are 6 foot 1 inch and 6 foot no inch will find out. tired of the torment. tired of my damn 65 year old wife. i do not want to do this but they do it to me and it is time

wendy's 

saw my 65 year old wife with another man in the drive-through at your establishment buying a meal. they were buying baconator for my 2 6foot tall sons in the backseat. not sure who the man is, or why he's iwht my old ass wife. manager told me to shape up or ship out, threw a cheese at me, kicked me in the rear end and gave my old wife the meal for free. the man is feeding my sons like they're toddlers, but they are almost adults. weird

subway

Wonder how many foot long my 6 foot 1 inch and 6 foot no inch sons could stand inside. LOL. I say SIX. my mean 65 year old wife does not speak to me so I do not know her answer. My sons refuse to stand next to the foot longs I stack up in the yard so I can know. They throw bricks at the tower of tuna and herb and cheese,. They will not do it so I will not know I guess. I've spent hundred of dollar on the foot long, stacking them as high as I can so my big sons can stand under. I use a ladder because I'm a small man and they shake the ladder when I climb, scaring me, causing me to fall and bruise my ass. My 65 year old wife eggs them on, tells me I'm too small to stack the foot long high enough for the boys to stand under. So much for answer

red baron pizza

my father died in 1997

walmart

In your parking lot, Reflecting on the nature of hell, the permanence of punishment ends up being sort of fuckin fine with me. Don't give me something to look forward to, don't give me any hope. Just give me hell forever and I'll deal with it man

old spice

my two incredibly, inexplicably powerful sons (they are 6 foot 1 inches and 6 foot no inches, 15 years old, 295 poiunds) held me down and rubbed the Old Spice on my asshole and commanded me to fart, they facebook lived the ordeal and took bets on whether the fart would smell. I was screaming for them to stop, yet they would not. My 65 year old wife is useless ot stop them as well. My asshole has burned for 2 days now

subaru

my 2 sons who are 6 foot 1 inch and 6 foot no inch and very mean to me saw my 65 year old wife driving with a man in new subaru, hoping this is The Dealer taking my wife for a test drive and not some man who is trynig to break up my family. my family is bad and frighten me, but it is my family nonetheless i hope for all our sake that my old wife is buying it frmo The Dealer, or my mean big sons are just trying to trick me again

united latter-day saints

my damn Zune stopped working today and i cant listen to music

papa john's pizza

hoo do i talk to about my idea for a new pizza called BALL PIZZA where it is a normal pizza (taste wise) but its a 3D spehere and can spin around really fast on your finger if you're good at doing that

ball park brand hot dog

my 2 strong 6 foot 1 inch and no inch sons like to shove these franks down my Gullet and call me a rootin tootin nasty rattler BITCH. they force me to eat dozens of these a day which make me fart and shit and my mean 65 year old wife screams at me and calls me ugly enough to back a buzzard off a gut wagon. it is summer, time the time of frank and hot dogs, time to enjoy the summer sun but i will NOT enjoy MY sons who smack me around with the frank like they are swords and make me eat them off the ground

wendy's

i spilled some horse sauce from arby on my asshole and decided to come to wendy instead.

red baron pizza

hi ,

i recently purchased a red barone pizza to eat for lunch and when i unrapped the pie from the packaging well i was in for a spooky surprise! the sauce was BLOOD! the meat was man's skin! The cheese was a brain!!!!! then a ghost bit me and i died. Happy halloween! Love your pie!

espn

have you ever thought of saying "sports the final frontier" during the nba finals on television, this is funny??

duracell

someone put a 9 volt on my ASSHOLE and i got fuckin zapped to damn hell.